I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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