Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
