So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize