she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
