I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
