I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
