I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
