i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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