Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
