no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
