I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize