I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
