does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
