I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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