Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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