I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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