she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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