Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize