I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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