Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
