omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
