you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
