god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
