U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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