I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
