We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize