i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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