Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
