I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
