did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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