I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
