yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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