you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
