its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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