i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
