took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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