wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
