Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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