God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
