im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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