check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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