i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
