Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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