I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
