I can't breathe out the right side of my face
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
