We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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