so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize