he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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