The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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