I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
