It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
