margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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