i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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