ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
