Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
