Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
