Have you finally orgasmed yet?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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