He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
