She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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