grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
