My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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