At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
