I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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