I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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