My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
