alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize