God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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