I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
