It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
