some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
