I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
