You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
