gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
