eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're a waste of cheezeits
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
