I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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