so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
