Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
