remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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