Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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