No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
