I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
