Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
